I was drivin’ my minimotor way down by the sea
When a scruffy-lookin’ hitchhiker thumbed a lift from me.
I said, “Hop up inside, boy. Where you plan to go from there?”
He says, “I don’t give a continental cuddle boy, ’cause I’ve been ev’rywhere.”

[Speeding up:]
One, two, one two three four.

CHORUS: I’ve been ev’rywhere, man.
I’ve been ev’rywhere, man.
Never a trouble or care, man.
I’ve never paid me fare, man,
And of travel I’ve had me share, man.
I’ve been ev’rywhere.

Been to Bradford, Guildford, Doxford, Littlehampton,
Bedford, Chingford, Hereford, Wolverhampton,
Shrewsbury, Canterbury, Aylesbury, Liverpool,
Scunthorpe, Sandthorpe, Mablethorpe, Hartlepool
Whitehall, Bramhall, Mildenhall, Davenport
Newport, Southport, Stockport, “Hi Sport!”. CHORUS

2. Been to Farnborough, Edinburgh, Peterborough, Felixstowe,
Middlesborough, Loughborough, Scarborough, Walthamstow,
Blackburn, Lisburn, Bannockburn, Londonderry,
Wicklow, Glasgow, Hounslow, Tipperary
Hempstead, Wanstead, Banstead, Woodstock,
Bass Rock, Bell Rock, Tilbury Dock, “Watcha Cock!”. CHORUS

SPOKEN: Change Gear. (sound effect of manual gear change)

3. Been to Weymouth, Yarmouth, Bournemouth, Huddersfield,
Lewisham, Faversham, Petersham, Chesterfield,
Land’s End, Mile End, Southend, Birkenhead,
Birmingham, Nottingham, Gillingham, Holyhead,
Cambridge, Tonbridge, Knightsbridge, Broadstairs,
Edgware, Ross Wear, Carstairs, “Who cares?” CHORUS

4. SLOWLY, HESITATINGLY: I’ve been—to—hey, this is difficult!—I’ve been to—
Llandudno, Llanelli, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwll. . . (fails before completing this place name!)
SPOKEN: No, it’s no use. I’ll never get those Scottish place names in a million years. Let’s get back to the English version.

5. BACK TO FAST TEMPO: I’ve beean to Westminster, Southminster, Kidderminster, Accrington,
Eastbourne, Southbourne, Sittingbourne, Paddington,
Bolton, Paignton, Stockton, Inverness,
Renwick, Brunswick, Chiswick, Dungeness
Mansfield, Sheffield, Enfield, Newcross,
Kingscross, Charring Cross, Banbury Cross, Deadloss

I’ve been here, there, ev’rywhere.
I’ve been ev’rywhere.